I had a wonderful afternoon shopping with Heidi. I needed to get a new bathing suit. I ended up buying a pair of the sexiest boots I've ever owned in my life. Hell, I've never even owned a pair of sexy boots. I'ts all Perry's fault. He told us where Dixie Value Mall was. ;) I never did get the bathing suit...

We were walking through the mall, heading for Winners to see if they had a decent selection of bathing suits, when Heidi pointed out the Bata shoe outlet and all the lovely boots they had on display.

She points to these really high, blue, leather boots and says, "I want those boots.. but I'm not buying them, let's look around, though." I eagerly agree as I think "...wow, I could never wear boots like that, they're too wild." Heidi could wear them, she's very cool and would look great in them. Anyway, I don't need boots. I have a pair of ankle boots and a pair of winter boots. I don't need boots, I remind myself again. Heidi is checking out some ankle boots. I say, "I'm going to just pop down this aisle for a sec..." I see more of those really high boots. Like, really high, just under the knee. Too sexy for me. But they sure are nice. I don't need boots, I remind myself yet again.

I pick up a boot. It's a high one, the too-sexy kind. It's black leather with really high heels. I look at the bottom. $69.99 sale price. Eek. I don't need boots anyway. I meander back to Heidi, who is still near the front, looking at a pair of maroon-red boots. They're nice, I say. She tries one on and it looks really good on her. Heidi is so cool, I think, I would never have thought to try those on. I mention the high boots.. does she think I could wear something like that to work? She says "..sure!!" in a that knowing-all-that-is-cool voice. I walk over to another selection of the too-sexy boots. I check the prices of the ones I like.. getting cheaper, $49.99, $44.99. She picks up her maroon boots and comes over. I say, "I probably couldn't wear these," pointing to a pair of black suede boots. I don't need boots, anyway. She says they would look good on me, but I'm only half listening. I don't need a pair of new boots, especially sexy boots. She takes me down another aisle and points out these neat, black boots that are similar to the ones I don't need. She says, "...these are so popular in Japan!! And look, the sale price is only $39.99, wow, what a great deal!!" They do look really cool... Can I wear them with an above-the-knee skirt? Heidi points out another shopper wearing knee-high boots and a short skirt, and the girl looks cool. Heidi grabs a box of boots in my size and takes one out expectantly. Oh, I'm supposed to try this on. I spend 5 minutes doing a little dance on one high-heeled ankle boot while I attempt to pull, stretch, and yank the new boot on the other foot. Putting on this one boot is like trying to cram your whole body into a condom. Once I am done destroying a few displays that help hold me up when I lose my balance, I check myself out in the mirror. "Wow, that looks so good on you!" Heidi exclaims. The right leg of my jeans is bunched up above my bare, glowing-white knee as the boot encases my foot, ankle, and calf like a second skin. I wiggle my toes. Comfy. I don't really need new boots. I swivel my right leg around to get the side view. My enshrouded leg looks twice as thin as it really is. Ok, I love these boots. I wrestle the boot off my leg and pack it lovingly in its box with the other. I almost rush off to the cash counter when I realize I am still wearing only one ankle boot.

The rest of the afternoon, I'm telling Heidi how wonderful my new boots are. The too-sexy ones that I don't need. The ones that I got for 40 bucks, regularly 119.99, and very popular in Japan. I'm trendy now. Hell, I'm ahead of trendy. When I get home, I try on my sexy, new boots. I try them on with different outfits and try to decide if I look trendy, or if I look like an old person trying to look trendy. Do they make me look trashy, or fashionably sophisticated? I am still not too sure, so I'll have to try them out again tomorrow. Either way, whether I look like a slut, like another non-descript mass-market fashion-disciple, or like a stylish, confident woman, wearing these boots makes me feel damn good.

I realize that in the intense struggle to put these boots on and take them off, I am probably burning as many calories as it takes to walk to the mall and back. These were definitely a good deal.

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